I Removed 500 if Statements With Functional Programming

No points for guessing who helped me

Photo by Danijela Prijovic on Unsplash

We had a bloated code base problem.

And we loved to talk about it on every Sprint planning — without fixing any part of it.

It was our pet subject. Tired of speaking about the ever-elusive progress in the dailies, we went empty-headed in the 90-minute sprint planning meets. If we had nothing to say, it would amount to saying we had nothing to contribute.

The bloated code base was our saviour. It gave us the much-needed, not-so-comic relief. Relief? It surely was.

It helped us unload ourselves.

It was an opportunity for us minion devs to make POs feel pathetic about themselves.

It’s you. You are the feature-slapping bots. (Yes, I mean it in every 
possible meaning, but read on). 

You refuse to let us work on improving the code quality.

So here we are, with a million bloated LOC. 
Find and replace is our only tool. And that's worse.

Can we have two sprints, just to ourselves? 

In the private Teams chat:
(wink wink)
"If he ends up offering it, let us politely refuse. 
It will rob us of our rights to make a fuss, forever."

It helped us eliminate the feeling that we were all owning developers, someone whose sneeze…